Drink Yourself Fit!

While reading a health magazine in a doctor's office recently, I came across this tip in a list of 100 ways to lose weight without going to the gym:

If you go out for drinks with friends, try standing at the bar instead of sitting at a table.

Far be it from me to criticize something written on deadline, much less something that recommends drinking in a bar as part of a weight loss program.

In fact, reading that tip gave me the idea of building a complete exercise program around whiskey. Here are my Top Ten Tips:

1. Always drink from good, sturdy glassware. They give you more of a workout than the lightweight, flimsy stuff.
2. Order cocktails on the rocks rather than straight up. The ice will cool down the drink, causing you to burn calories to warm it up to your internal body temperature. (If you don't want to water down your drink, hold the ice. Literally. An ice cube in your non-drinking hand will also burn calories. It may burn your skin with frostbite, too, so don't hold it for too long.)
3. Even better, use Whiskey Disks -- or whichever brand of whiskey stones you prefer -- to cool down your drink. You'll burn calories both warming the drink and lifting the weighted glass to your mouth.
4. Between sips, set down your glass and lean back in your chair. Tighten your abs when you lean forward to pick up your glass for the next sip.
5. Put the cork back in the bottle after each dram you pour.
6. Alternate the arm you use to open bottles.
7. You can fit in some biceps curls while waiting in line at the liquor store. Buy two bottles, and tone your arms in half the time!
8. When admiring the color of your single malt whiskey, raise the glass to the light five times with each arm.
9. Strut vigorously around in a circle between each shot.
10. Selecting some Scotch in a plastic bottle for your in-laws' visit? Add some deep knee bends!

And need I dwell on all the money and time you'll save on gym memberships and changing into workout clothes?